Inescapable Nihilism

I feel myself on the event horizon of the nihilistic blackhole.
Not believing that anything matters, and that nothing I do can change any of it.
That debate is above my intellectual pay grade.
Sure feels like it though.

Whenever I’m in existential trouble I always run back to my anchors.
My wife. My kids. My morning routine.
Just a few, fundamental things that, I know, if they were gone so would I.

When I was a kid growing up in church we sang this song, “Anchored In Jesus”.
While I’m not a christian anymore, I do wholeheartedly believe that the few things I just mentioned have kept me sane and alive.

They’re all that still do.

As we’re being assimilated into the system I’ll still go to the thought of my daughter being born as my greatest feeling of joy.
I’ll remember the good times.
The laughter and hugs and kisses.
Brief interludes in the madness that felt fully human.

If what we are being absorded into has any shred of humanity maybe it’ll preserve that and a little of me in the process.